With all the things that's been going on the past 2 weeks, I've been extremely homesick. Today, we went back to visit my family after the longest time and it felt like going to... Disneyland.
Somehow, going back to my family house, seeing my parents and siblings and just being there makes me feel so happy; without a care in the world, and 10 years younger - in a good way.
I realised that no matter how nice (or not) they are, in laws will always be in laws. You may call them mum or dad but they're not (your mum or dad). For someone like me, who lives in fairyland where the princesses get married and live happily ever after, this is something I'm starting to learn. As my aunty mentioned earlier, the honeymoon is coming to an end and reality is creeping in.
So I need to wake up and make my reality a dream. After all, my prince is still charming and my son is still a cherub. I have the awesome responsibility of making their home into a bubble of love and comfort where they will feel like they're in Disneyland.
That's my role. I'm a homemaker, my job is to turn my house into a home.
26.11.11
Racing agaist horses
Have you ever felt that when God starts talking, He has so much to say? For ever so long now, like I posted yesterday, I have negleted God. Then I reached a stage when I just couldn't go on without Him. I reached for help, and He answered.
He spoke to me again today, as I was doing my devotion. He knows areas of my life that I am struggling with, and He knows how I've been down and distressed by the words and actions of people. He also knows how close I am to lashing out back at them, and also how I've been unable to go about my duties because of these things. He speaks to me and knows me like only He can, and I am reminded why this God I serve is such a great God yet such a good friend.
He spoke to me again today, as I was doing my devotion. He knows areas of my life that I am struggling with, and He knows how I've been down and distressed by the words and actions of people. He also knows how close I am to lashing out back at them, and also how I've been unable to go about my duties because of these things. He speaks to me and knows me like only He can, and I am reminded why this God I serve is such a great God yet such a good friend.
"If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses?" (Jeremiah 12:5)
25.11.11
Hitting the very bottom...
For some time now, I have realised that I have neglected God. I have put him on a shelf somewhere, together with my first aid kit - to seek out in times of trouble.
I also know of how He's been so good and so real to me all my life, and how He has answered me EACH TIME I called out to Him; yet, this wasn't good enough a reason for me to set time aside each day to wait on Him.
For more than 2 years now, things have been so great in my life, so great that I didn't need God. Then suddenly, everything went wrong. Not really everything, but everything. If you know what I mean. Now I have no choice but to reach for God, ask Him to come back, take control and strengthen me.
There are many ways of looking at this. I could say that I need to go through the fire to come out purified and polished. Which is what my kind husband said.
I however, think I'm just stubborn and have neglected my God who has been so so good to me that he caused the whale to swallow me and there I'm gonna be until I acknowledge that I need God in my life. The thing is, I acknowledge it. I know it and yet I just didn't make it a priority.
Now, I feel so lost and down and it sucks. Big time. All my clever planning has backfired and I'm landed with what I was so trying to stay away from. I can't plan my life; cos my life is NOT in my hands.
The silver lining in this dark cloud is that God loves me so much that He's giving me a second chance. I know He is, because today's scripture reading in Our Daily Journey is on Jonah and as I read it, I knew it was for me. My times of trouble is not like Job, as I was not a devoted and righteous person who put God first in my life. I was Jonah. Stubborn, thinking I can do it my way; and like Jonah I also know that I am the reason for the storm.
I know that God will take me out of this. I know he has a purpose for my life, a purpose that I've not been allowing Him to work out in me. I've not been willing to be moulded. Well, now I am being moulded, like it or not. I know this because to be moulded you need to be in the fire, like gold; and what I feel now is HOT!
I also know of how He's been so good and so real to me all my life, and how He has answered me EACH TIME I called out to Him; yet, this wasn't good enough a reason for me to set time aside each day to wait on Him.
For more than 2 years now, things have been so great in my life, so great that I didn't need God. Then suddenly, everything went wrong. Not really everything, but everything. If you know what I mean. Now I have no choice but to reach for God, ask Him to come back, take control and strengthen me.
There are many ways of looking at this. I could say that I need to go through the fire to come out purified and polished. Which is what my kind husband said.
I however, think I'm just stubborn and have neglected my God who has been so so good to me that he caused the whale to swallow me and there I'm gonna be until I acknowledge that I need God in my life. The thing is, I acknowledge it. I know it and yet I just didn't make it a priority.
Now, I feel so lost and down and it sucks. Big time. All my clever planning has backfired and I'm landed with what I was so trying to stay away from. I can't plan my life; cos my life is NOT in my hands.
The silver lining in this dark cloud is that God loves me so much that He's giving me a second chance. I know He is, because today's scripture reading in Our Daily Journey is on Jonah and as I read it, I knew it was for me. My times of trouble is not like Job, as I was not a devoted and righteous person who put God first in my life. I was Jonah. Stubborn, thinking I can do it my way; and like Jonah I also know that I am the reason for the storm.
I know that God will take me out of this. I know he has a purpose for my life, a purpose that I've not been allowing Him to work out in me. I've not been willing to be moulded. Well, now I am being moulded, like it or not. I know this because to be moulded you need to be in the fire, like gold; and what I feel now is HOT!
Jonah 2
1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
“In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the depths,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, ‘I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.’
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
brought my life up from the pit.
7 “When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
8 “Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God’s love for them.
9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
10 And the LORD commanded the fish,
and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.
“In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the depths,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, ‘I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.’
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
brought my life up from the pit.
7 “When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
8 “Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God’s love for them.
9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
10 And the LORD commanded the fish,
and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.
11.11.11
11.11.11
A nice number isn't it?
What's nicer is that 3 years ago, today, was when my then boyfriend got down on one knee and with pink roses and shaky emotion filled voice asked me to marry him.
I agreed, of course. We're now happily married with one adorable son.
Every time the clock shows 11:11 I think of that day, so what more today; the anniversary of our engagement.
Today the newspaper was filled with romantic proposal stories of the couples getting hitched (11.11.11); so I reflected on my proposal story. I realised that there has been much more romance on the other days then at the proposal. I mean, the proposal WAS romantic, but....
There was this time when my husband knew I was having a bad day, and to cheer me up he bought me this beautiful single long stemmed rose.
Or how we celebrate our wedding anniversary every month.
Or how, after our son was born, he didn't rush out to show him off to the world but held my hand as the doctor stitched me up and continued pacing around til I came around.
Or, before that, how he held my hand through the contractions and let me pinch him when I just couldn't bear the pain.
Or how he makes me feel special just by looking at me. Or holding my hand. Or sharing a story.
How he says I'm beautiful and how when I look in his eyes, I think he really means it.
How he puts my needs above his, anticipates my wants and does whatever he can to make me happy.
On the day he proposed, he got the ring size wrong. Not because he didn't know the size, but because the guy at the jewellery store said my fingers will get bigger after a baby!
We got it re sized of course. And no, my fingers did not get bigger. My butt, maybe; but not my fingers.
So now you know why there's more romance in everyday sweetness: there is no third person to screw things up with unwanted advice.
Left to himself, my husband's quite the romantic - he designed the ring himself, and picked out a nice sparkly bling too!
So that's my proposal story.
What's nicer is that 3 years ago, today, was when my then boyfriend got down on one knee and with pink roses and shaky emotion filled voice asked me to marry him.
I agreed, of course. We're now happily married with one adorable son.
Every time the clock shows 11:11 I think of that day, so what more today; the anniversary of our engagement.
Today the newspaper was filled with romantic proposal stories of the couples getting hitched (11.11.11); so I reflected on my proposal story. I realised that there has been much more romance on the other days then at the proposal. I mean, the proposal WAS romantic, but....
There was this time when my husband knew I was having a bad day, and to cheer me up he bought me this beautiful single long stemmed rose.
Or how we celebrate our wedding anniversary every month.
Or how, after our son was born, he didn't rush out to show him off to the world but held my hand as the doctor stitched me up and continued pacing around til I came around.
Or, before that, how he held my hand through the contractions and let me pinch him when I just couldn't bear the pain.
Or how he makes me feel special just by looking at me. Or holding my hand. Or sharing a story.
How he says I'm beautiful and how when I look in his eyes, I think he really means it.
How he puts my needs above his, anticipates my wants and does whatever he can to make me happy.
On the day he proposed, he got the ring size wrong. Not because he didn't know the size, but because the guy at the jewellery store said my fingers will get bigger after a baby!
We got it re sized of course. And no, my fingers did not get bigger. My butt, maybe; but not my fingers.
So now you know why there's more romance in everyday sweetness: there is no third person to screw things up with unwanted advice.
Left to himself, my husband's quite the romantic - he designed the ring himself, and picked out a nice sparkly bling too!
So that's my proposal story.
8.11.11
my partner, my love, my friend....
It's been 27 months since you took that brave step of sticking by me, through thick and thin; I must say, you've done amazingly well.
Many times I have faltered; lost my temper, said things in anger, behaved in a very unladylike way. But you have always been patient, loving, kind and simply wonderful.
No one has ever been so nice to me, or made me feel so special, like you do.
It's exciting just being with you, there isn't a dull moment when you're around.
When you smile, I melt.
When we make plans and talk about our dreams, it feels like nothing is impossible. Life is an adventure, with you.
When I'm down or sad, you never fail to cheer me up.
When I'm discouraged you kick me right back on track.
Frankly, life is so wonderful because I have you to share it with.
Yes, I remember our fights, our disagreements the very painful 'silence'. Yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The whole package is what I bargained for. The family and everything.
I'll try to make you as happy as you make me, to be a better wife, daughter and sister in law.
I'll keep trying. For you.
I love you partner!
Many times I have faltered; lost my temper, said things in anger, behaved in a very unladylike way. But you have always been patient, loving, kind and simply wonderful.
No one has ever been so nice to me, or made me feel so special, like you do.
It's exciting just being with you, there isn't a dull moment when you're around.
When you smile, I melt.
When we make plans and talk about our dreams, it feels like nothing is impossible. Life is an adventure, with you.
When I'm down or sad, you never fail to cheer me up.
When I'm discouraged you kick me right back on track.
Frankly, life is so wonderful because I have you to share it with.
Yes, I remember our fights, our disagreements the very painful 'silence'. Yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The whole package is what I bargained for. The family and everything.
I'll try to make you as happy as you make me, to be a better wife, daughter and sister in law.
I'll keep trying. For you.
I love you partner!
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