Hitting the very bottom...

For some time now, I have realised that I have neglected God. I have put him on a shelf somewhere, together with my first aid kit - to seek out in times of trouble.

I also know of how He's been so good and so real to me all my life, and how He has answered me EACH TIME I called out to Him; yet, this wasn't good enough a reason for me to set time aside each day to wait on Him.

For more than 2 years now, things have been so great in my life, so great that I didn't need God. Then suddenly, everything went wrong. Not really everything, but everything. If you know what I mean. Now I have no choice but to reach for God, ask Him to come back, take control and strengthen me.

There are many ways of looking at this. I could say that I need to go through the fire to come out purified and polished. Which is what my kind husband said.

I however, think I'm just stubborn and have neglected my God who has been so so good to me that he caused the whale to swallow me and there I'm gonna be until I acknowledge that I need God in my life. The thing is, I acknowledge it. I know it and yet I just didn't make it a priority.

Now, I feel so lost and down and it sucks. Big time. All my clever planning has backfired and I'm landed with what I was so trying to stay away from. I can't plan my life; cos my life is NOT in my hands.

The silver lining in this dark cloud is that God loves me so much that He's giving me a second chance. I know He is, because today's scripture reading in Our Daily Journey is on Jonah and as I read it, I knew it was for me. My times of trouble is not like Job, as I was not a devoted and righteous person who put God first in my life. I was Jonah. Stubborn, thinking I can do it my way; and like Jonah I also know that I am the reason for the storm.

I know that God will take me out of this. I know he has a purpose for my life, a purpose that I've not been allowing Him to work out in me. I've not been willing to be moulded. Well, now I am being moulded, like it or not. I know this because to be moulded you need to be in the fire, like gold; and what I feel now is HOT!