"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. 

Take this cup from me. 

Yet not what I will, but what you will."

Mark 14:36

A house is built with boards and beams, A home is built with love and dreams

"Walk into her house and a showcase living room quickly commands your attention. Ornate, expensive furniture populates rooms tastefully embellished with understated artwork. A lavish floral arrangement adorns a perfectly lit breakfast nook. 

But no one ever sits on the furniture. The flower-shaped soaps in the soap dish never clean anyone’s hands; the towels in the kitchen and bathroom don’t dry anything." ... our daily journey

My home is not decorated with ornate, expensive furniture; but it is decorated tastefully and I do take pride in keeping it looking like a showcase.

But what hit me is this - would I mind it being messy, dirty and maybe even have some things broken if it means providing hospitality to others? Would I mind my privacy gone, my space intruded, my world no longer perfect, my self taken for granted if it means bringing happiness to someone in need? If it means providing hospitality to others even at our inconvenience? And what happens when that person starts thinking its their house or when their politeness wears off or when it starts to affect my marriage?
Am I willing to die to self? For my husband and kid, yeah. Hands down. But beyond that?

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 

The fact is, I am not. I am not willing to die to self for my in laws and I know it. But for my husband? I am. So for his family? I should be also... right?

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24.

He has kept to His word, as always. I feel His favour on our lives, and I do think we have been rewarded, at least in part, for what we've been putting up with, for what we've done. I often feel no one knows the sacrifices we make, the struggles we go through but I am wrong. God knows, and He's merciful and just. He has met our every need, and though we question situations in our lives that He permits, we also know that the strength will be provided, and that if we can't carry on, He will carry us.

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. 

Home is where you're loved the most.

With all the things that's been going on the past 2 weeks, I've been extremely homesick. Today, we went back to visit my family after the longest time and it felt like going to... Disneyland.

Somehow, going back to my family house, seeing my parents and siblings and just being there makes me feel so happy; without a care in the world, and 10 years younger - in a good way.

I realised that no matter how nice (or not) they are, in laws will always be in laws. You may call them mum or dad but they're not (your mum or dad). For someone like me, who lives in fairyland where the princesses get married and live happily ever after, this is something I'm starting to learn. As my aunty mentioned earlier, the honeymoon is coming to an end and reality is creeping in.

So I need to wake up and make my reality a dream. After all, my prince is still charming and my son is still a cherub. I have the awesome responsibility of making their home into a bubble of love and comfort where they will feel like they're in Disneyland.

That's my role. I'm a homemaker, my job is to turn my house into a home.

Racing agaist horses

Have you ever felt that when God starts talking, He has so much to say? For ever so long now, like I posted yesterday, I have negleted God. Then I reached a stage when I just couldn't go on without Him. I reached for help, and He answered.

He spoke to me again today, as I was doing my devotion. He knows areas of my life that I am struggling with, and He knows how I've been down and distressed by the words and actions of people. He also knows how close I am to lashing out back at them, and also how I've been unable to go about my duties because of these things. He speaks to me and knows me like only He can, and I am reminded why this God I serve is such a great God yet such a good friend.

"If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses?"  (Jeremiah 12:5)

Hitting the very bottom...

For some time now, I have realised that I have neglected God. I have put him on a shelf somewhere, together with my first aid kit - to seek out in times of trouble.

I also know of how He's been so good and so real to me all my life, and how He has answered me EACH TIME I called out to Him; yet, this wasn't good enough a reason for me to set time aside each day to wait on Him.

For more than 2 years now, things have been so great in my life, so great that I didn't need God. Then suddenly, everything went wrong. Not really everything, but everything. If you know what I mean. Now I have no choice but to reach for God, ask Him to come back, take control and strengthen me.

There are many ways of looking at this. I could say that I need to go through the fire to come out purified and polished. Which is what my kind husband said.

I however, think I'm just stubborn and have neglected my God who has been so so good to me that he caused the whale to swallow me and there I'm gonna be until I acknowledge that I need God in my life. The thing is, I acknowledge it. I know it and yet I just didn't make it a priority.

Now, I feel so lost and down and it sucks. Big time. All my clever planning has backfired and I'm landed with what I was so trying to stay away from. I can't plan my life; cos my life is NOT in my hands.

The silver lining in this dark cloud is that God loves me so much that He's giving me a second chance. I know He is, because today's scripture reading in Our Daily Journey is on Jonah and as I read it, I knew it was for me. My times of trouble is not like Job, as I was not a devoted and righteous person who put God first in my life. I was Jonah. Stubborn, thinking I can do it my way; and like Jonah I also know that I am the reason for the storm.

I know that God will take me out of this. I know he has a purpose for my life, a purpose that I've not been allowing Him to work out in me. I've not been willing to be moulded. Well, now I am being moulded, like it or not. I know this because to be moulded you need to be in the fire, like gold; and what I feel now is HOT!

Jonah 2

 ¹ From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. ² He said:  
  “In my distress I called to the LORD,
   and he answered me.
   From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
   and you listened to my cry.
³ You hurled me into the depths,
   into the very heart of the seas,
   and the currents swirled about me;
   all your waves and breakers
   swept over me.
⁴ I said, ‘I have been banished
   from your sight;
   yet I will look again
   toward your holy temple.’
⁵ The engulfing waters threatened me,
   the deep surrounded me;
   seaweed was wrapped around my head.
⁶ To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
   the earth beneath barred me in forever.
   But you, LORD my God,
   brought my life up from the pit.
 ⁷ “When my life was ebbing away,
   I remembered you, LORD,
   and my prayer rose to you,
   to your holy temple.
 ⁸ “Those who cling to worthless idols
   turn away from God’s love for them.
⁹ But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
   will sacrifice to you.
   What I have vowed I will make good.
   I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
 ¹⁰ And the LORD commanded the fish,
   and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.