Hola!

Its been ages since my last post, and boy has so much happened!!

We had another son, a cuddly koala I call him. Created a ruckus in the belly but now he's settled down. Managing a toddler who has become used to being an only child and a new baby is no joke; especially when the daddy just took on a new job which sucks all the daylight (and some moonlight) out of him.

i love being a mom.

That said, I hardly get through one whole day without feeling like locking myself up in the toilet to breathe.

I'm one of those people who has always wanted to be a mom. Being a stay at home mom is a dream come true for me.

But I do miss my laptop and lipstick, skirts and heels; most of all I miss completing assignments and handing them in, I miss watching my 12 copies of audit report hot fresh off the printers. I miss coming out for air after every audit. Now, it feels like this assignments will take the next 10 years, at least.

Its 1.15am, and I'm waiting for the chicken to cook. That's life, nowadays. Cooking and cleaning when the family sleeps.... It's like what we learnt at Girls Scouts... how the brownies do work at night, or like the elves and the shoemaker.... except the elves and the shoemaker in this case are one and the same. Me.

I wouldn't trade it for the world though. There's a huge sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, managing ones home on your own. It really is my home.

And the best part of it is I have my best friend right beside me. Working just as hard to make it work.

I love you sweetheart, and you too my precious, and you my cuddly koala. My boys....

Merdeka!!

When I met my husband, I met (for the first time) someone who saw me, right through all my layers, he saw me. When I spoke, I know he not only listened, but understood. I have weaknesses and he accepts me as I am, although he does encourage and guide me where there is a need. He doesn't deny the fact that I have put on weight but he still says I' beautiful and I can tell he means it. I can talk to him about anything and everything, and I've never met a listener  who empathizes so well, and judges so little. If anyone told me such a guy existed, I would have called bluff, but then such a guy does exist. Its his snores that's my lullaby at night and his kisses that start my day. Its because of him that I believe in fate, in soul mates, in that special someone made just for me. To me, getting married to my husband was my freedom to be myself. To bloom, to grow, to be all I can be.

"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. 

Take this cup from me. 

Yet not what I will, but what you will."

Mark 14:36

A house is built with boards and beams, A home is built with love and dreams

"Walk into her house and a showcase living room quickly commands your attention. Ornate, expensive furniture populates rooms tastefully embellished with understated artwork. A lavish floral arrangement adorns a perfectly lit breakfast nook. 

But no one ever sits on the furniture. The flower-shaped soaps in the soap dish never clean anyone’s hands; the towels in the kitchen and bathroom don’t dry anything." ... our daily journey

My home is not decorated with ornate, expensive furniture; but it is decorated tastefully and I do take pride in keeping it looking like a showcase.

But what hit me is this - would I mind it being messy, dirty and maybe even have some things broken if it means providing hospitality to others? Would I mind my privacy gone, my space intruded, my world no longer perfect, my self taken for granted if it means bringing happiness to someone in need? If it means providing hospitality to others even at our inconvenience? And what happens when that person starts thinking its their house or when their politeness wears off or when it starts to affect my marriage?
Am I willing to die to self? For my husband and kid, yeah. Hands down. But beyond that?

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 

The fact is, I am not. I am not willing to die to self for my in laws and I know it. But for my husband? I am. So for his family? I should be also... right?

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24.

He has kept to His word, as always. I feel His favour on our lives, and I do think we have been rewarded, at least in part, for what we've been putting up with, for what we've done. I often feel no one knows the sacrifices we make, the struggles we go through but I am wrong. God knows, and He's merciful and just. He has met our every need, and though we question situations in our lives that He permits, we also know that the strength will be provided, and that if we can't carry on, He will carry us.

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. 

Home is where you're loved the most.

With all the things that's been going on the past 2 weeks, I've been extremely homesick. Today, we went back to visit my family after the longest time and it felt like going to... Disneyland.

Somehow, going back to my family house, seeing my parents and siblings and just being there makes me feel so happy; without a care in the world, and 10 years younger - in a good way.

I realised that no matter how nice (or not) they are, in laws will always be in laws. You may call them mum or dad but they're not (your mum or dad). For someone like me, who lives in fairyland where the princesses get married and live happily ever after, this is something I'm starting to learn. As my aunty mentioned earlier, the honeymoon is coming to an end and reality is creeping in.

So I need to wake up and make my reality a dream. After all, my prince is still charming and my son is still a cherub. I have the awesome responsibility of making their home into a bubble of love and comfort where they will feel like they're in Disneyland.

That's my role. I'm a homemaker, my job is to turn my house into a home.

Racing agaist horses

Have you ever felt that when God starts talking, He has so much to say? For ever so long now, like I posted yesterday, I have negleted God. Then I reached a stage when I just couldn't go on without Him. I reached for help, and He answered.

He spoke to me again today, as I was doing my devotion. He knows areas of my life that I am struggling with, and He knows how I've been down and distressed by the words and actions of people. He also knows how close I am to lashing out back at them, and also how I've been unable to go about my duties because of these things. He speaks to me and knows me like only He can, and I am reminded why this God I serve is such a great God yet such a good friend.

"If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses?"  (Jeremiah 12:5)