Are you there God? It's me....

Sometimes it feels like God's turned His face from us, like when Jesus had all the sins of the world upon himself, and God turned away.

When things that I thought couldn't get any worse, does get worse - I sometimes wonder if He's still there, or if He's turned away....

Why God. Are you there God? How can it be God?

But His ways are higher than our ways; and this, we can understand - as parents, we often do things that the kids don't understand; but that's because we know things they don't. Sometimes we even let them fall, we let them fight, we let them make mistakes - we know our advice will not be heeded unless it is sought after.

The Bible is given freely, but how many actually read it? So is it surprising that God speaks to those who seek Him, when we seek Him?

SO a few days ago I was checking if God was there, listening to me still - so I made a random request. For a particular person to call my husband. I say my husband cos, he's not chatty. People usually only look for him to get something done. So he doesn't get random calls. And not just a random call, by a person of my choosing. The day after, that person did call. Goosebumps.

So God checked in :)

He's still there. He reminded me that He's answered every time I call. It's me who's been too busy for Him, trying to do it all on my own, and constantly being too tired to enjoy the blessings He's given me. 

He chose me before I chose Him (John 15:16)

Psalm 27:10 says even if our father and mother forsake us, God never will.

Finally, Isaiah 43:2 says, 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

So He's there, call Him.

12 years married

12 hours of day and 12 hours of night, 12 months in a year and 12 constellations of the zodiac, 12 sons of Jacob and the 12 apostles of Jesus. Our birthdays are 12 days apart too.

Somehow, the universe seems to indicate that we've come a full cycle.

And I believe we have. Done with childbearing and foundation setting years, it seems to be time to start building our legacy.

It feels, in a lot of ways, that we have grown by leaps and bounds in these 12 years together. We've stood by each other through sickness and health, for richer and poorer, for better and for worse - and through this journey I have realised, that God indeed has plans for our lives and the reward for trusting Him with our will cannot be quantified. I also realised that there is no way I could have found someone so perfectly made for me if I had looked for him myself. It's only by surrendering to God, that He revealed His plans for me.

Marriage is like a plate of Briyani, say the Kandasamys; and I couldn't agree more. We've bit into our fair share of cardamoms, but it's an enjoyable dish, paired with sambar for him and pickled vegetables for me. 

We've shifted house 6 times,  across 3 states, taken care of an elderly parent, have 3 kids - but the one constant is we remained best friends; always putting each other second only to God.

Has the glow of newly wedded bliss worn off? I think that's a load of crap. Getting adjusted to a new person and living with them is NOT EASY. The good news is, it gets better with time. After 12 years, I can honestly say its seamless. I know he loves me, I've seen him take care of me, and if the years ahead are even more turbulent (as they usually are), I have faith that the One who brought us together, will see us through.

My Partner, My Love, My Friend.... this one's for you.

What To Do when You Don't Know What To Do.

Its not really my style to write about the country; I've always focused more on my bubble. However, these are strange times we live in - police permits are required to visit family, or to go home; the government decides if you can, or can't go for a picnic by the beach or play a game of badminton in the park; heck even to go for a walk outside the home.

If, it was motivated by the collective interest of society and to curb the pandemic so that we will be able to resume life, I would be onboard 110%. However, 16 months since the first lockdown started, we are nowhere near the end of the tunnel; instead, suicide rates have hone up, unemployment gone up, poverty levels increasing drastically, and frontlines are facing burnout. 

And while the country is in the state of emergency, land is being sold to foreigners, policies are being implemented, debt of certain people groups being wiped out.... instead of helping the citizens who are struggling to put food on the table - as they have been told to stay at home and the companies they work for have cut, or stopped their salaries altogether.. the politicians are busy watching their own backs and lining their own pockets.

Other countries hit by the same pandemic, have recovered and are moving on; and the ones plagued with corruption, self interest and a divisive government has given an opening to the superpowers from which the virus originated to conquer them, either by selling their shares for cheap following the stock market crash, selling national land, taking loans from them; or just not being able to defend their borders when they can't even handle the pandemic that has hit their country.

A communist country, is a country that knows what power can do. And while not giving power or freedom to their people, they have monopolised the world.

And our dear ex PM, another dictator, who amended the law to give the PM so much unaccountably and power; has paved the way for 1MDB and now, what has hit us is much much worse. From squandering the country's coffers it has now emptied our pockets...

If people aren't dying of the covid, they're dying of hunger or depression. 

Rafiki - the wise one.

 

Have you ever wondered, why age is often associated with wisdom? Well, the older ones have a wealth of experience to draw and learn from. Our pasts is nothing to be ashamed of, to sweep under the carpet, or to pretend it never happened. This Baboon from Lion King, is a wise one... and he had to teach Simba this important lesson; but gave Simba time to grow up and mature before telling him it's time to take his place.

But even when Simba went back after all that time; even though he went back to save the pride lands... Scar managed to make him, and everyone else doubt him, by making them believe a lie. Then, just before Scar was about to push Simba to his death; he told him a secret - that it was him (Scar) who had killed Simba's father. The truth had given Simba newfound strength to save himself and overpower Scar.

The truth sets you free. The old can use their experience to manipulate the younger, naive ones; or to mature gracefully, to be wise old people whose wisdom helps their children get ahead in life.

But many times, people rather let you believe a lie, so that you'll doubt yourself; and they can overpower you - and get you to do what they want you to do and believe. Scar, is like many people around us; the jealous, manipulative, entitled person who thinks you got it too easy.

The past can hurt - but you can either run from it, or learn from it.

I've learnt that when we forgive; especially those who never even asked for forgiveness, its ourselves we are setting free. When we learn from the past and move forward, life has a way of going a full circle without us having to do a thing. 

That time in the wilderness with Timon & Pumba was priceless. Sometimes we need space to block out voices so we can hear ourselves.

Find Us Faithful

Steve Green

We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road,
And those who've gone before us
Line the way.
Cheering on the faithful,
Encouraging the weary,
Their lives a stirring testament
To god's sustaining grace.
O may all who come behind us
Find us faithful,
May the fire of our devotion
Light their way.
May the footprints that we leave,
Lead them to believe,
And the lives we live
Inspire them to obey.
O may all who come behind us
Find us faithful.

Surrounded by so great
A cloud of witnesses,
Let us run the race
Not only for the prize,
But as those who've gone before us.
Let us leave to those behind us,
The heritage of faithfulness
Passed on thru godly lives.
After all our hopes and dreams
Have come and gone,
And our children sift thru all
We've left behind,
May the clues that they discover,
And the mem'ries they uncover,
Become the light that leads them,
To the road we each must find.

Sometimes, songs speak to us, and remind us of what's important.

Conflicting Statements....

James 1: 2-5

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be matureand complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 

So this is a verse that's very hard to digest. Who in their right mind would be happy, when we face trials?

I've been going through a particularly rough patch lately... where I feel numb, no tears left, no words left, a sense of hopelessness and really, seeing a situation before me that I feel is impossible....

Then Jim Brickman's 'My Valentine' plays from my playlist and I'm reminded of how this is the song I chose to dedicate to my husband on our wedding.... and the words remind me that I have a chance now to show him that this song wasn't a random selection....

And it makes me happy....

And I'm reminded too, that James 1: 6 goes on to say... But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Just like that; I'm happy - because God's working on me, and because I get to show my husband that 

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time

You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

Carpets

So we went carpet shopping some time back, and other than my blog name, can you tell I love carpets? It can make a room that's looking bare and cold, look warm and cozy, it makes you want to sprawl on the floor and read a book, or relax. It takes you to another place and time. We found out recently, when we went carpet shopping, that there are so many types of carpets! Machine woven, hand woven, silk, wool, the list goes on.

But like every thing, its beauty is in the eyes of the beholder; to some, it's just somewhere you sweep all the dirt under, and to some it's a thing of beauty. The thing is - people who appreciate its value will not sweep dirt under it; but instead, treat it with care to preserve its value and beauty.

When all people want is letting a house 'appear clean', they don't have a reason to actually roll the carpet up and clean underneath it; but when someone wants a 'clean house', they will.

So you see, it's a matter of perception and what do we really want? I want to be authentic. I never have been one who cares about appearances - I always cared about how things really are. When I'm dead, let it be said, that the only thing I ever hurt - was someone's ego; because I choose to be real.