For some time now, I have realised that I have neglected God. I have put him on a shelf somewhere, together with my first aid kit - to seek out in times of trouble.
I also know of how He's been so good and so real to me all my life, and how He has answered me EACH TIME I called out to Him; yet, this wasn't good enough a reason for me to set time aside each day to wait on Him.
For more than 2 years now, things have been so great in my life, so great that I didn't need God. Then suddenly, everything went wrong. Not really everything, but everything. If you know what I mean. Now I have no choice but to reach for God, ask Him to come back, take control and strengthen me.
There are many ways of looking at this. I could say that I need to go through the fire to come out purified and polished. Which is what my kind husband said.
I however, think I'm just stubborn and have neglected my God who has been so so good to me that he caused the whale to swallow me and there I'm gonna be until I acknowledge that I need God in my life. The thing is, I acknowledge it. I know it and yet I just didn't make it a priority.
Now, I feel so lost and down and it sucks. Big time. All my clever planning has backfired and I'm landed with what I was so trying to stay away from. I can't plan my life; cos my life is NOT in my hands.
The silver lining in this dark cloud is that God loves me so much that He's giving me a second chance. I know He is, because today's scripture reading in Our Daily Journey is on Jonah and as I read it, I knew it was for me. My times of trouble is not like Job, as I was not a devoted and righteous person who put God first in my life. I was Jonah. Stubborn, thinking I can do it my way; and like Jonah I also know that I am the reason for the storm.
I know that God will take me out of this. I know he has a purpose for my life, a purpose that I've not been allowing Him to work out in me. I've not been willing to be moulded. Well, now I am being moulded, like it or not. I know this because to be moulded you need to be in the fire, like gold; and what I feel now is HOT!
25.11.11
Jonah 2
1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
“In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the depths,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, ‘I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.’
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
brought my life up from the pit.
7 “When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
8 “Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God’s love for them.
9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
10 And the LORD commanded the fish,
and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.
“In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the depths,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, ‘I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.’
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
brought my life up from the pit.
7 “When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
8 “Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God’s love for them.
9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
10 And the LORD commanded the fish,
and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.
11.11.11
11.11.11
A nice number isn't it?
What's nicer is that 3 years ago, today, was when my then boyfriend got down on one knee and with pink roses and shaky emotion filled voice asked me to marry him.
I agreed, of course. We're now happily married with one adorable son.
Every time the clock shows 11:11 I think of that day, so what more today; the anniversary of our engagement.
Today the newspaper was filled with romantic proposal stories of the couples getting hitched (11.11.11); so I reflected on my proposal story. I realised that there has been much more romance on the other days then at the proposal. I mean, the proposal WAS romantic, but....
There was this time when my husband knew I was having a bad day, and to cheer me up he bought me this beautiful single long stemmed rose.
Or how we celebrate our wedding anniversary every month.
Or how, after our son was born, he didn't rush out to show him off to the world but held my hand as the doctor stitched me up and continued pacing around til I came around.
Or, before that, how he held my hand through the contractions and let me pinch him when I just couldn't bear the pain.
Or how he makes me feel special just by looking at me. Or holding my hand. Or sharing a story.
How he says I'm beautiful and how when I look in his eyes, I think he really means it.
How he puts my needs above his, anticipates my wants and does whatever he can to make me happy.
On the day he proposed, he got the ring size wrong. Not because he didn't know the size, but because the guy at the jewellery store said my fingers will get bigger after a baby!
We got it re sized of course. And no, my fingers did not get bigger. My butt, maybe; but not my fingers.
So now you know why there's more romance in everyday sweetness: there is no third person to screw things up with unwanted advice.
Left to himself, my husband's quite the romantic - he designed the ring himself, and picked out a nice sparkly bling too!
So that's my proposal story.
What's nicer is that 3 years ago, today, was when my then boyfriend got down on one knee and with pink roses and shaky emotion filled voice asked me to marry him.
I agreed, of course. We're now happily married with one adorable son.
Every time the clock shows 11:11 I think of that day, so what more today; the anniversary of our engagement.
Today the newspaper was filled with romantic proposal stories of the couples getting hitched (11.11.11); so I reflected on my proposal story. I realised that there has been much more romance on the other days then at the proposal. I mean, the proposal WAS romantic, but....
There was this time when my husband knew I was having a bad day, and to cheer me up he bought me this beautiful single long stemmed rose.
Or how we celebrate our wedding anniversary every month.
Or how, after our son was born, he didn't rush out to show him off to the world but held my hand as the doctor stitched me up and continued pacing around til I came around.
Or, before that, how he held my hand through the contractions and let me pinch him when I just couldn't bear the pain.
Or how he makes me feel special just by looking at me. Or holding my hand. Or sharing a story.
How he says I'm beautiful and how when I look in his eyes, I think he really means it.
How he puts my needs above his, anticipates my wants and does whatever he can to make me happy.
On the day he proposed, he got the ring size wrong. Not because he didn't know the size, but because the guy at the jewellery store said my fingers will get bigger after a baby!
We got it re sized of course. And no, my fingers did not get bigger. My butt, maybe; but not my fingers.
So now you know why there's more romance in everyday sweetness: there is no third person to screw things up with unwanted advice.
Left to himself, my husband's quite the romantic - he designed the ring himself, and picked out a nice sparkly bling too!
So that's my proposal story.
8.11.11
my partner, my love, my friend....
It's been 27 months since you took that brave step of sticking by me, through thick and thin; I must say, you've done amazingly well.
Many times I have faltered; lost my temper, said things in anger, behaved in a very unladylike way. But you have always been patient, loving, kind and simply wonderful.
No one has ever been so nice to me, or made me feel so special, like you do.
It's exciting just being with you, there isn't a dull moment when you're around.
When you smile, I melt.
When we make plans and talk about our dreams, it feels like nothing is impossible. Life is an adventure, with you.
When I'm down or sad, you never fail to cheer me up.
When I'm discouraged you kick me right back on track.
Frankly, life is so wonderful because I have you to share it with.
Yes, I remember our fights, our disagreements the very painful 'silence'. Yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The whole package is what I bargained for. The family and everything.
I'll try to make you as happy as you make me, to be a better wife, daughter and sister in law.
I'll keep trying. For you.
I love you partner!
Many times I have faltered; lost my temper, said things in anger, behaved in a very unladylike way. But you have always been patient, loving, kind and simply wonderful.
No one has ever been so nice to me, or made me feel so special, like you do.
It's exciting just being with you, there isn't a dull moment when you're around.
When you smile, I melt.
When we make plans and talk about our dreams, it feels like nothing is impossible. Life is an adventure, with you.
When I'm down or sad, you never fail to cheer me up.
When I'm discouraged you kick me right back on track.
Frankly, life is so wonderful because I have you to share it with.
Yes, I remember our fights, our disagreements the very painful 'silence'. Yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The whole package is what I bargained for. The family and everything.
I'll try to make you as happy as you make me, to be a better wife, daughter and sister in law.
I'll keep trying. For you.
I love you partner!
12.9.11
A Year Old Mom
I celebrated my first year as a mother last Thursday. We couldn't help but look back on the year that has passed; and especially that fateful day last September.
08.09.10 is a date I'll never forget. My pregnancy was not smooth sailing, and neither was the delivery. However from that day on things just kept getting better. My son is a joy to be around; and I am not saying that just because he's my son. ( well, maybe I am, but it's still true)
We've gone through the fever, the flu, tummy upsets, teething pains, falls and bumps, a cut lip, lots of laughter, good times, not so good times... experiences too rich for the english language (or at least my command of it).
We've come a long way, the 3 of us. We started off with baby steps; small, shaky, unsteady little steps. Now we walk with more confidence; perhaps someday we can run.
My son is small, as in petite. It worries me when I see other babies so big, I tend to count the teeth on other babies his age, see what skills they have acquired, etc. Sometimes I feel I should do more, I should teach him more, feed him more (as in force feed him); I have moments of insecurity, and its at these times that I'm so so grateful for the encouragement and support from my best frind, parter, love and rock. He's level headed, mature, patient, caring, loving, romatic, sweet... and he understands exactly what I'm saying (no, I'm not talking about God; although he tends to think he is *God* at times)
Anyway, the babe's still small, and now recovering from a bad case of diahrrea and vomitting. I never leave his side. All I do is feed him breastmilk, play with him and cuddle him to sleep. He seems happy and on the road to recovery.
While other babies can say their ABC's, mine can hug, kiss, say 'bye bye', clap his hands and dance. I'm happy cos the first thing he learnt was to kiss and guess who got the first kiss?
08.09.10 is a date I'll never forget. My pregnancy was not smooth sailing, and neither was the delivery. However from that day on things just kept getting better. My son is a joy to be around; and I am not saying that just because he's my son. ( well, maybe I am, but it's still true)
We've gone through the fever, the flu, tummy upsets, teething pains, falls and bumps, a cut lip, lots of laughter, good times, not so good times... experiences too rich for the english language (or at least my command of it).
We've come a long way, the 3 of us. We started off with baby steps; small, shaky, unsteady little steps. Now we walk with more confidence; perhaps someday we can run.
My son is small, as in petite. It worries me when I see other babies so big, I tend to count the teeth on other babies his age, see what skills they have acquired, etc. Sometimes I feel I should do more, I should teach him more, feed him more (as in force feed him); I have moments of insecurity, and its at these times that I'm so so grateful for the encouragement and support from my best frind, parter, love and rock. He's level headed, mature, patient, caring, loving, romatic, sweet... and he understands exactly what I'm saying (no, I'm not talking about God; although he tends to think he is *God* at times)
Anyway, the babe's still small, and now recovering from a bad case of diahrrea and vomitting. I never leave his side. All I do is feed him breastmilk, play with him and cuddle him to sleep. He seems happy and on the road to recovery.
While other babies can say their ABC's, mine can hug, kiss, say 'bye bye', clap his hands and dance. I'm happy cos the first thing he learnt was to kiss and guess who got the first kiss?
16.2.11
Vanilla Muffins
I've been wanting to try out more recipes ever since tweaking the rum and raisin ice cream resulted in a whooping success.
Sunday morning pancakes were lovely. I had mine with nutella and peanut butter while the husband had his with honey. Forgot to take pictures :(
I tried making a pizza yesterday but the dough didn't cook enough and the meat was burnt. Gotta try again. It's been on my mind but I thought I'd try something else first.
Creme Caramel is a favorite dessert among family and friends but I've only ever made the instant one-out of the box. Going to make that from scratch today. So excited.
I've been going to bed with food the last thing on my mind and waking up all ready to try something new. Which reminds me, the fish curry I tried yesterday was a really good attempt. It could get better...
1.1.11
The year that has been...
It being the new year and all, the natural thing to do was to reflect on the year that has passed. It has without doubt been the fastest year of my life; if there is such a thing. From 'getting to know' my new spouse slowly; the process suddenly accelerated and we got to know each other so much better at so many levels and (thankfully!) what I discovered only made me love him more.
In January we found out we were pregnant, in February we moved into our first home, we hosted our first dinner in March, went for a babymoon in April. Was sick in May and saw just how patient and loving and caring my husband was. Fell in love with him again; vowed never to take him for granted. June and July was spent furnishing our nest and preparing for the lil one. In August we celebrated our first wedding anniversary, our son was born in September. Was pampered at my mom's in October; quit my job in November, had our son's baby dedication in December for which my husband and I cooked for 50+ people while taking care of our 2month old baby. And today as I look back; I wonder... did we have time to catch our breath?
So, yeah it was an eventful year. My goals for 2011? To sit back, smell the roses, watch my son grow, love my husband, to build and nurture relationships, to cook, bake, personalise our home, exercise patience, nurture love and to thank God each day for all He has blessed me with.
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