Let Go and Let God

It’s so hard to not be in control, to not be in the driving seat. We’ve just got to strap up and have faith.
I’ve been an unhappy participant in my life for almost a year now, and most days I’ve been just going about doing things that need to be done to get through the day so I can sleep. It’s not been fun, it’s frankly been depressing and I really feel like I don’t know where we are headed or how are we getting there. 
I’ve not been able to pray, to play, to dream, to laugh; without a leach sucking my happiness and it’s presence, though not painful, drains blood and is a disturbance. 
Why do I allow it to affect me so?
I know nothing will happen to me, I know I can continue on my journey undisturbed. I need to focus my eyes on Jesus. I need to trust my husband that he knows what he’s doing and he will protect me. 
Lord please help this stubborn, control freak to  surrender and to trust you. Please teach me to lean on you. Please give me back my rest, my laughter and most of all... your peace & favour. 


She has my eyes and my name..

I look at her, this girl I dreamt of all my life; and in the 100 days she's been with us - she's completely changed our lives.
She's got a calmness about her - a calmness I seek in the midst of chaos. Just looking into her big, clear, sparkly eyes and drowining in her smile.. a few precious moments just lost absorbing the beauty and simplicity of life.
And I know what's important.
It's as if, in that few moments of clarity, all distractions melt away to reveal the true essence and meaning of life - but when we look away and think about it, that's the beginning of the challenge - acting on what's important is actually much harder than chasing after everything else.



Life is not easy, to say the least. Nothing in life, that's worth having, comes easy.
Yet, in the difficulties that life brings us, if we can find beauty in the colours of a rainbow, in the laughter of children, or in the quietness of being with someone with whom no words is needed; we find that a journey strewn with difficulties can still be beautiful.
There are choices we make, people we choose to be with, that bring us to even narrower and less trodden paths; perhaps even more difficult than others. Yet, it's these very choices that make us who we are, and make our lives a journey  that are uniquely ours.
Then once in a blessed while, we get to feel the slightest flutter of a new life, from within. All eager for the pages of his or her life to unfold, and we realise, with wonderment, what a miracle life is.
The miracle of life, is made even more magical when we see that it encapsulates ourself, and the one person with whom we choose to share life's journey with. The beauty of creating life with your better half, a baby with both our DNA, flesh, blood... To think the smile that filled my dreams live on in the faces of our kids... 


Rantings of an aspiring homeschool mom

How do I know if my son will thrive or wither in homeschooling? How will I know if I can do it? I'm so convinced that education in our land isn't worth the time they waste in school, but is it worth it just for the social interaction? For the push to try new things? My son is not adventurous but he has the skills & confidence to carry it out - if he wants to. I want to push him to try new things. Should I? Should I give him time believing that he will one day want to explore these opportunities? Is homeschooling for the introvert?


The Winds of Change

Is change a choice?
Or is it the only constant in life?
I've got a husband who has ants in his pants. He cannot sit still. I, on the other hand vainly grasp on anything I can hold on to.
Not this time.
This time, both my husband and I seem equally excited to embark on a new adventure. To uproot our family, rent out our home and chase our dreams.
Let's see how that works out for



Its been ages since my last post, and boy has so much happened!!

We had another son, a cuddly koala I call him. Created a ruckus in the belly but now he's settled down. Managing a toddler who has become used to being an only child and a new baby is no joke; especially when the daddy just took on a new job which sucks all the daylight (and some moonlight) out of him.

i love being a mom.

That said, I hardly get through one whole day without feeling like locking myself up in the toilet to breathe.

I'm one of those people who has always wanted to be a mom. Being a stay at home mom is a dream come true for me.

But I do miss my laptop and lipstick, skirts and heels; most of all I miss completing assignments and handing them in, I miss watching my 12 copies of audit report hot fresh off the printers. I miss coming out for air after every audit. Now, it feels like this assignments will take the next 10 years, at least.

Its 1.15am, and I'm waiting for the chicken to cook. That's life, nowadays. Cooking and cleaning when the family sleeps.... It's like what we learnt at Girls Scouts... how the brownies do work at night, or like the elves and the shoemaker.... except the elves and the shoemaker in this case are one and the same. Me.

I wouldn't trade it for the world though. There's a huge sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, managing ones home on your own. It really is my home.

And the best part of it is I have my best friend right beside me. Working just as hard to make it work.

I love you sweetheart, and you too my precious, and you my cuddly koala. My boys....



When I met my husband, I met (for the first time) someone who saw me, right through all my layers, he saw me. When I spoke, I know he not only listened, but understood. I have weaknesses and he accepts me as I am, although he does encourage and guide me where there is a need. He doesn't deny the fact that I have put on weight but he still says I' beautiful and I can tell he means it. I can talk to him about anything and everything, and I've never met a listener  who empathizes so well, and judges so little. If anyone told me such a guy existed, I would have called bluff, but then such a guy does exist. Its his snores that's my lullaby at night and his kisses that start my day. Its because of him that I believe in fate, in soul mates, in that special someone made just for me. To me, getting married to my husband was my freedom to be myself. To bloom, to grow, to be all I can be.